People are joking about being stuck with family during this time of isolation due to Coronavirus/ COVID-19. It’s not so funny when you are feeling stuck at home with your soon to be ex though.
For many people it’s not as simple as “I want to separate, one of us needs to move out immediately”. There is a normal transition period for most couples (I guess I have to use the term couples loosely). During this time, you will sort out what to do with the kids, the finances and the home. You will set timelines, prepare a parenting plan and complete financial disclosure. This doesn’t happen in a day and it almost never happens as fast as one of you will want it to.
During this pandemic the normal transition period seems that much harder and anything other than normal.
The person you most want to distance yourself from is now home with you. Maybe you are now both working from home, oh the joy, more together time!
March break with the kids is now extended so they are also home making it harder to have adult conversations and adding an additional level of difficulty – navigating the constant “I’m bored” demands.
With so much unknown; specifically around the economy and finances, it’s time to tighten your belts. Now doesn’t seem like the right time to be moving ahead with a separation and splitting what income and savings you do have.
There is no way to sugar coat this, you are in a tough position. You can’t believe that you had the courage/strength to discuss separation, you started getting your ducks in a row and now you can’t even find where they waddled off to.
You may not be as stuck as you feel though. There are things that you can do to help ease the situation at home and let you feel a bit more optimistic about being able to agree on things and move forward.
Here’s some things that might help:
- Find personal space in the home. Even if it’s normally a shared space, set times of day when it will be for your use alone.
- Agree of topics of discussion. How to keep the kids entertained, meal prep, tv shows and movies versus separation and pensions.
- Prepare a revised budget and follow it to the best of your abilities. At least you are only having this conversation once and not daily.
- Create a list of daily responsibilities and assign names to them. Include the kids in the discussion and list.
- Call a truce. Agree to put things on hold until this is over.
Outside help, if needed:
If you can’t agree on how to live together in some sort of respectful way or feel that calling a truce is not an option give us a call. Mediation may just be the step in the right direction you need to feel empowered to get through this.
Don’t get stuck thinking there are no options. Online mediation can be scheduled to help problem-solve and develop an action plan.
You have the choice of the full separation mediation process, a point in time meeting to help you get over a hurdle or something in between.
Take steps to get UNSTUCK today.