Thanks for clicking on the link, here’s My Divorce Story (The shortened version because nobody had enough time to read the long version)
It’s probably helpful for me to share a bit about my background and what brought me to open my own practice. I know intimately how time consuming and emotional custody and access issues are for parents, specifically fathers, most often seen as the non-primary parent.
I was married, the sole income earner with a great career and a stay at home husband.
When the time came and we separated it did NOT go well. Instead of support my ex husband was treated to a wealth of “advice” from friends, his family and his lawyer, MAKE HER PAY – Take her for everything she’s worth.
He wanted to go to court, so court is where we went. I can tell you that the family law system we had then and currently have, supports the ability for parties to delay, fight, be unreasonable and increase costs for the other.
I was treated as a second class citizen during the legal process. It would seem that I was not actually a parent as I had always considered myself to be. The responsibility of supporting my family so that my children would have a parent able to stay home with them automatically put me in the same position as so many of the fathers I encountered at the courts. I could not fathom how the court and family law lawyers were happy to relegate me to every other weekend and maybe a dinner during the week.
I was alone in a unique situation (at that time) where I was the Mom but not in a traditional role. This gives me a very special perspective during mediation and coaching. I can relate to Mom’s and Dad’s going through a separation.
After a great deal of damage inflicted by the family law process we were able to successfully create a shared parenting plan and settle our financials through mediation.
Co-parenting is not for the weak! It really has been the hardest thing that I have ever done! What an amazing opportunity for my kids. They got to know both of their parents and we grew together.
Was it tough for my kids to move from home to home each week? YES.
Did the benefit of living a life being cared for and loved equally by BOTH parents outweigh the challenges of having 2 homes? YES
Is this just my take on this? NO My children are 19 and 21 as of me writing this and one thing they are grateful for is that we both were actively involved with their lives.
I tell all of my clients that if you can, work things out without going to court. This is your family, your children, you money – why give someone else the power to make decisions?
I tell all of my clients that I have a bias towards children having the benefit of both parents in their lives. I understand that it is not always possible or wanted but I start the process with the idea that each parent has equal rights to parent the children going forward. From there the parents can negotiate a parenting plan that works for their family and their situation. Mine doesn’t look like yours, yours won’t look like someone else’s.
I provide this background to ensure you that I am a fair mediator and that I am a firm believer that children need to be loved and cared for by both parents.
Emotions cause a great deal of the trouble during divorce. The court system is not set up to manage them, there is no place for them there. There is a place for them in mediation – the choice is yours.
