Custody battles are difficult enough but within a broken system they are doomed to be more damaging to families.

custody battle

Here is a link to a post in the Toronto Sun today by Michele Mandel.

Judge blasts warring parents who squandered $500,000 on custody battle

I thank both Michele and Judge Alex Pazaratz for bringing attention to this story. Stories like this; often on a smaller financial scale, occur everyday!

While I appreciate Judge Pazaratz saying “Our family court system has zero tolerance for this type of emotional abuse of children” this couple spent $500k between them fighting within that very same system!

We need continued conversations and a lot more action focused at changing the system.

  • Changes have to be made at the beginning of the process.
  • Parents need to be educated on the alternatives and I don’t just mean at the MIP.
  • Parents need to be educated on what the real cost of long custody battles is to their kids and themselves.
  • Mediators need to get better about bringing awareness of mediation as a solution (Yes, we can do high conflict as well).
  • We need a team approach that makes it cost effective for parents to access lawyers, mediators, and social workers in order to make informed and reasonable decisions
  • We need to find a safe way to bring the children’s voice into the process.
  • We need lawyers to be educated on how to de-escalate their clients.
  • We need reality checks! Spending $500k fighting about the best interests of your child just can’t be in the best interests of your child.

I understand the need to fight, I truly do. My ex husband took me to court to fight for sole custody and primary care of our 2 children. I did fight back in order to get shared custody and 50/50 shared parenting. We had different ideas about what was in the best interests of our children and I see that in my office all of the time. I can tell you that the legal process destroyed our ability to go forward and positively co-parent. It was all about my rights and his rights and not about the rights of my children to have 2 parents that would continue to care for them.

My question is this…

Did the Family Court System and their zero tolerance, fail these parents?

These parents did not spend this kind of money without lawyers and other supporting professionals. This process took years to develop. There should have been a process to derail them.

We know people are going to fight and we know people are going to be unreasonable. But knowing that, how can we save them from themselves?

Julie Gill Q.Med, CDFA

Families First Mediation