Have you been divorced before? If not, you probably don’t know where to start or what to do! That is not uncommon. Divorce – You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know I was sitting in the...
Jan
2015
19
Oct
2014
07
You have been divorced for 6 years. Your parenting plan did an excellent job of identifying when each of you would be the “active” parent and spend time with your kids. It set out how you were going to parent, how you would handle holidays, expenses and how you as parents would make changes to the plan.
Surprise, surprise, your 15 year old has decided that your parenting plan no longer works for him/her. Did you discuss during your separation how you would handle changes that were initiated by your children?
Sep
2014
29
We hear it all of the time in the Divorce Industry – decisions should be made in the ‘Best interests of the Children”. Seems rather obvious right?
You and the other parent may have different opinions of what decisions are in your children’s best interest. You don’t agree and that’s ok. You were always going to disagree on some aspects of parenting even if you had stayed together.
You can both be looking out for your children’s best interests but believe that can be obtained in different ways. That doesn’t make either of your right or wrong, it’s just life.
Separation is change and how you manage it will dictate how successfully your children will get through it.
Aug
2014
22
As a mediator and separation coach I hear this statement all of the time “this isn’t fair”.
As a person who went through a nasty divorce I myself thought many times “this isn’t fair”.
What is fair though? Fair to whom? Fairness is subjective and we each have our own idea of fairness. What I think is fair to me, may not what you think is fair.
I read this quote today and I thought it was very appropriate for this blog post,
“Fairness is protecting not only you but all who are involved.”
Well that is a tall order!
Protect yourself – Yup, got it.
Protect your kids – No problem there.
Protect your ex – Wait, what? No thank you.
Jul
2014
31
Divorce and keeping the house, an important factor in any divorce settlement.
You are getting separated, it doesn’t matter whether you are married or common-law, 30 or 55, things are about to change.
1 large piece of that change puzzle is the house. It’s the place where you shared your hopes and dreams and spent a great deal of time and money. You intended to raise your children there or did raise your children there. Let’s not forget that other than the pension it is usually one of a family’s greatest assets. What to do with the house is a big decision that you and your ex will need to make.
Should you keep it? It was your dream house after all and you didn’t kill this dream!
Maybe your ex should keep it? That way they will figure out how much time and money goes into maintaining it!
Sell the house? I can’t afford to keep it and if I can’t have it, neither can my ex!
May
2014
08
I hear people say all the time that they don’t want to deal with their ex to sort through separation issues. Sure, I can relate to that. In some cases, specifically where there is domestic violence, power imbalances or an unwilling party, court is a necessary evil. But for the others that say “when a judge hears my side…”, “I will take you to court so that you never see your kids”, “I will convince a judge that I should get everything”, I just cringe. These are statements made by people that are hurt but not well informed.
Aug
2013
26
It may not be a popular stance but it is one that I whole-heartedly support. Lawyers participating in Family mediation meetings with their clients.
May
2013
14
Whether you created a parenting plan years ago that now requires a change or you would like to put one in place to ensure more stability and routine around your parenting roles; mediation can help save you a lot of time and stress. Many families repeatedly go back to their lawyers or worse -court- when they are trying to resolve a conflict after divorce. There is nobody that knows your children better than you do.
Often trying to make the smallest of changes in the months or years after a separation result in the largest of fights.
Mar
2013
05
Here’s a letter that I wrote back in 2010 to a person that wanted support from someone in the “divorce industry’ to help them with their battle to change the Family Law Process. I had the added (dis)advantage of having also personally gone through it. I just found it and had a quick read. I still feel strongly that lawyers and mediators should work together more to benefit our clients. I have however softened a little as I have met some wonderful lawyers that ARE client focused. Have a read and let me know what you think. I’d love the feedback.
I’m writing this letter in support of your efforts to bring awareness to the changes so desperately needed in the current family law process.