Your parenting plan is a living breathing document. It can change with the needs of your family and your children. These conversations need to happen and they are often challenging. Debbie Miles-Senio...
You have been divorced for 6 years. Your parenting plan did an excellent job of identifying when each of you would be the “active” parent and spend time with your kids. It set out how you were going to parent, how you would handle holidays, expenses and how you as parents would make changes to the plan.
Surprise, surprise, your 15 year old has decided that your parenting plan no longer works for him/her. Did you discuss during your separation how you would handle changes that were initiated by your children?
We hear it all of the time in the Divorce Industry – decisions should be made in the ‘Best interests of the Children”. Seems rather obvious right?
You and the other parent may have different opinions of what decisions are in your children’s best interest. You don’t agree and that’s ok. You were always going to disagree on some aspects of parenting even if you had stayed together.
You can both be looking out for your children’s best interests but believe that can be obtained in different ways. That doesn’t make either of your right or wrong, it’s just life.
Separation is change and how you manage it will dictate how successfully your children will get through it.
As a person who went through a nasty divorce I myself thought many times “this isn’t fair”.
What is fair though? Fair to whom? Fairness is subjective and we each have our own idea of fairness. What I think is fair to me, may not what you think is fair.
I read this quote today and I thought it was very appropriate for this blog post,
“Fairness is protecting not only you but all who are involved.”
Well that is a tall order!
Protect yourself – Yup, got it.
Protect your kids – No problem there.
Protect your ex – Wait, what? No thank you.
Divorce and keeping the house, an important factor in any divorce settlement.
You are getting separated, it doesn’t matter whether you are married or common-law, 30 or 55, things are about to change.
1 large piece of that change puzzle is the house. It’s the place where you shared your hopes and dreams and spent a great deal of time and money. You intended to raise your children there or did raise your children there. Let’s not forget that other than the pension it is usually one of a family’s greatest assets. What to do with the house is a big decision that you and your ex will need to make.
Should you keep it? It was your dream house after all and you didn’t kill this dream!
Maybe your ex should keep it? That way they will figure out how much time and money goes into maintaining it!
Sell the house? I can’t afford to keep it and if I can’t have it, neither can my ex!
I hear people say all the time that they don’t want to deal with their ex to sort through separation issues. Sure, I can relate to that. In some cases, specifically where there is domestic violence, power imbalances or an unwilling party, court is a necessary evil. But for the others that say “when a judge hears my side…”, “I will take you to court so that you never see your kids”, “I will convince a judge that I should get everything”, I just cringe. These are statements made by people that are hurt but not well informed.