I hear people say all the time that they don’t want to deal with their ex to sort through separation issues. Sure, I can relate to that. In some cases, specifically where there is domestic violence, power imbalances or an unwilling party, court is a necessary evil. But for the others that say “when a judge hears my side…”, “I will take you to court so that you never see your kids”, “I will convince a judge that I should get everything”, I just cringe. These are statements made by people that are hurt but not well informed.
As a Mediator my role is to help people communicate through conflict, to find resolutions to problems and to actively participate in decisions.
Mediation is a fair, safe and balanced process that ensures everyone has a voice. It’s less costly than the legal process and much more efficient in most cases.
Yet I still wonder daily why mediation is not as common place as counselling or lawyers? People in conflict tend to call a counsellor (to deal with the emotional side) or a lawyer (to deal with the legal side). A mediator helps deals with the practical side of conflict which is often where the biggest problems occur.
ALL parts of communication are skills that can be learned. Fighting is part of that. Effective communication during a fight is tough though.
Most people are familiar with what an unfair fight looks like…The Blame Game, Silent Treatment, Inappropriate Timing, Threats, Witholding of Affection or Sex. I’m sure that you can name some more.
You hear it all of the time – You need to attack the problem…not the person. How is withholding sex attacking the problem? It’s not. It is however a reaction to being hurt, the need to hurt back.
Whether you created a parenting plan years ago that now requires a change or you would like to put one in place to ensure more stability and routine around your parenting roles; mediation can help save you a lot of time and stress. Many families repeatedly go back to their lawyers or worse -court- when they are trying to resolve a conflict after divorce. There is nobody that knows your children better than you do.
Often trying to make the smallest of changes in the months or years after a separation result in the largest of fights.
Here’s a letter that I wrote back in 2010 to a person that wanted support from someone in the “divorce industry’ to help them with their battle to change the Family Law Process. I had the added (dis)advantage of having also personally gone through it. I just found it and had a quick read. I still feel strongly that lawyers and mediators should work together more to benefit our clients. I have however softened a little as I have met some wonderful lawyers that ARE client focused. Have a read and let me know what you think. I’d love the feedback.
I’m writing this letter in support of your efforts to bring awareness to the changes so desperately needed in the current family law process.
It’s well documented that employee stress is a growing concern for organizations today. Stress that negatively impacts the workplace may come from work, personal or family sources.
Workplace dynamics are as unique as each organization and should be aligned to the organizational culture. Having strong Human Resource Management is important to balancing workplace dynamics.
A key role for Human Resources (HR) is to act as an employee advocate. External mediators act as partners to assist with disputes and training. Mediation provides a process that is fair, balanced and confidential. Whether founded or not, a common criticism of HR partners is that they are in place only to support management and employee issues are not dealt with fairly.
Relationships and Money are the perfect breeding ground for conflict.
Fear and change can often lead to conflict, in any situation. People have very strong emotions about money. It is the emotions and values people attach to money that cause the conflict.
Do you fight about money or ignore money problems?
Money concerns such as not having enough, not making enough, not saving enough, spending too much are common sources of conflict in relationships. Most people fight about money; that is no surprise.
During a lifetime there are many stages that money conflict can occur in relationships.